It is important that you do not dismiss your man’s primal urges and that you occasionally give into them.  Try surprising him by offering a quickie at an unexpected time.  Or be the aggressor, so he doesn’t feel like he is always the . . . → Read More: Helping the Ladies]]>

Let Me Help You Get Sexier

Pointer for the Ladies

It is important that you do not dismiss your man’s primal urges and that you occasionally give into them.  Try surprising him by offering a quickie at an unexpected time.  Or be the aggressor, so he doesn’t feel like he is always the one initiating sex.

Fantasies Are Fun

You can also try tapping into some of his cock teasing fantasies. Men are pretty easy to please.  A simple thing like a cheerleader outfit or a naughty nurse uniform can really spice things up.  And that goes for the gentlemen too.   The ladies may not have the same fantasies that you do, but they do have them and they can be pretty damn hot.   Again, you just to have to open yourself up to something new.  That also goes for including kink or fetish in your sex life.  Expanding boundaries is always a healthy thing in a relationship.

No Labels Needed

Ultimately, it all comes down to that different wiring that men  and women have.  A good relationship requires compromise.   As a rule, women are better in that department. When guys come to me for sex advice, I tell them to keep it simple.  Women aren’t nearly as complicated as some men think.  Often there is just a duality at play.

They want to be romanced, to feel special and appreciated, in addition to unleashing their inner whore.  Men have to avoid getting caught up in the Madonna/Whore or Mother/Lover trap.   Let them be both.  That is not only good for your sex life, but it is good for your relationship.

Take it All

Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for who he or she really is.  That is part of the challenge of building an enduring relationship.  In those early, magical days, we tend to focus only on what we like about our partners.  As time goes on, though, we become acutely aware of what we don’t like.  At that point we stop seeing those foibles as merely cute or endearing.   But those faults are part of what makes them who they are.  So try to embrace the fullness of your partner, with all of their complications and contradictions.

Accepting the whole of the person is helpful in the bedroom in that it allows us to get past the compartmentalization that can lead to that Madonna/Whore trap.  Or, in the case of women, seeing their men as either as a he-man/protector/provider or some weak good-for-nothing.  There is a lot in between those extremes; usually a human being who’s much more interesting than the fantasy you may have created.  It comes back to my earlier statement about the importance of being yourself and being accepted.  Yes, we are who we are, but there should be room for growth and compromise within that construct.  It’s a cop out to say, “Hey, that’s just the way I am.”  That may be valid in some instances, but as a consistent default position it’s going to make you a very lonely person.

Pause for the Cause

So, the next time you are frustrated by the lack of sex or romance in your relationship, just take a moment to think.  Try to understand your partner’s perspective and needs.  For the ladies, accept your man for who he is.  Sometimes your expectations are impossibly high.

For guys, stop being so selfish.  A little romance goes a long way, as does a thoughtful gesture.  Take out the trash or empty the dishwasher and you’ll be amazed at what comes your way.

About You

If you’d like to discuss your own situation, I am here to help.  Having been a behavioral health professional, I have counseled many couples through stalemates, mismatched expectations, and bottled up needs.  I am well-acquainted with the types of issues you face and can offer a wide array of services: friend, counselor, sex advisor, or director/participant in your fantasy role play phone sex.  Couples phone sex provides a unique outlet to enliven your sex life.  Whatever the case, be it serious or sexy, I can help. Give me a call for some sensual Mistress phone sex for couples.   I will definitely help bring a new spark of life to your joint love life!

Have questions for me?  Leave them here in a comment.  I answer all comments and will be happy to address your concerns.

Once a relationship does takes hold, the sex is often fast and furious.  During this time, everything takes care of itself and you can’t keep your hands off of each other.  But, at some point you’ll be back where you were at the beginning: the tug-of-war.  For . . . → Read More: Sorting Through Sexual Wiring]]>

Let's Delve Into This

Improved Communications

Once a relationship does takes hold, the sex is often fast and furious.  During this time, everything takes care of itself and you can’t keep your hands off of each other.  But, at some point you’ll be back where you were at the beginning: the tug-of-war.  For good or ill, men and women are just wired differently, so it’s important that they understand each other and how they’re motivated.

Avoiding Default

Too often, couples just revert to their default positions.  Not to point fingers, but it is a fact that some guys just suck at communicating.  But some women communicate too much – and all the time.  We need to be careful about that and not overwhelm the guys.

How Men Are Wired

At the heart of most sexual problems with couples is what happens after the magic wears off.  With exceptions, guys pretty much want sex all the time and most women do not.  That has nothing to do with women’s desire or sex drive but with the fact that once real life kicks in, and the early magic wears off, you have to work a bit harder to keep a relationship fresh and exciting.

Most guys tell me that they would be happy to do it anytime of day, for five minutes or an hour.  They just want to get with you in whatever way possible. That is how they are wired.

What Women Want

Women will, on occasion, find themselves in the mood and demand sex.  But most women want some romance before their man ravages them.   They want to know to know that it is her that you’re really interested in, and that you’re willing to take the time to provide her with what she needs.  That might be an evening of romantic lovemaking, hot and dirty sex, or couples kinky phone sex.

Yes, you can argue that men don’t require much motivation, being the primal beings they are, and that it is unbalanced.  That is just the way it is.  To be fair, there are plenty of guys who enjoy romance as much as women do.  And, ladies, just because your man may not be one of them does not make him a complete neanderthal.

Compromise

This is where compromise comes into play.  For guys, you need to understand where your woman is coming from.  Is she someone who likes a lot of romance or foreplay, before getting hot and heavy?  Instead of getting impatient; enjoy it.  Take some time to do some lengthy ass or leg worship on her. It may not be your favorite thing, but if you’re willing to put aside your intense desire to get right to the dirty deed, you might find yourself enjoying it more than you thought.  If sex is the glue of any relationship, that kind of intimacy is the primary ingredient of that glue.  And if you really love her, you will be more than willing to give her what she needs.

Now it’s time to put all of this new information to use in your own relationship.  That is what I am here for.  Suggest a joint call with your lady and let her know that I am open to talking with couples, having enchantrix phone sex fun with you, in an non-threatening phone session.  It will be easy going, and may make it easier for the two of you to discuss sensitive issues and even branch out into new erotic directions.

Thoughts, opinions, comments?  I am open to hearing them.

Ms Violet is Here for you Both

Most relationships between men and women start with a tug-of-war between the guy’s desire to hop into bed and the woman’s desire to take things at a more comfortable pace.  In most women’s minds, this includes a heavy dose of romance. I know . . . → Read More: Good Relationships Begin With Good Sex]]>

Ms Violet is Here for you Both

 Sexual Tug-of-War

Most relationships between men and women start with a tug-of-war between the guy’s desire to hop into bed and the woman’s desire to take things at a more comfortable pace.  In most women’s minds, this includes a heavy dose of romance. I know that there are exceptions to the rule, with the woman being ready before the man. But for most guy’s that is an urban myth.  This Enchantrix knows a lot of freaky women, including me,  and I’ve yet to hear one tell me that she had to wait for a guy to be ready.

Mutual Exploration

Let’s explore the tension that exists between men’s desire for sex and women’s desire for romance.  By romance, I mean wining, dining, a little leg worship, etc.  It comes down to a lot of compromise and understanding your partner’s wiring.  As it happens, these are two elements that are keys to the success of any relationship.  The bottom line?  Good sex almost always means a good relationship.

Slut or Heroine?

Women have a lot of valid reasons for not hopping right into bed.   Most guys are willing to put up with the delay. They are truly interested in the woman, as well as want her to be comfortable with their first time together.   A smart man also knows that unless they run into one of those aforementioned (and beloved) female freaks, they are not going to get laid very often.   If you are one of those freaks, understand that many men see absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping with a guy on the first date.    After much sexy adult chat on this topic with men, I believe they are not simply self serving in saying that.

RESPECT

There’s way too much made of the idea that a guy won’t respect you if you give it up on the first date.  This leads many women to feel as if they have to down play their sexuality.  But think of it this way: do you really want to have anything to do with a guy who’s carrying around archaic notions about women and their sexuality?  A lot of guys who feel that way are more than willing to bed down after the first date, themselves.  They are hypocritical asses who are not worth your time.

I have known many couples who kicked off terrific relationships with a first night of mind-blowing sex.  Ultimately, you should move at whatever pace feels right.  If you want to wait, fine.  If you want to go for it, then feel free to do so.  This also reflects cornerstones of a good relationship: be yourself and find a partner who accepts you for who you are.  HUGELY important.

Stay Tuned

This was just the first in a short series on the topic of how important good sex is in a relationship, and how to improve yours.  Check back here regularly for updates on this topic.  Remember…I enjoy reading your comments and suggestions on this topic.  So feel free to leave a comment here.

Speeding Up

We have all heard about the 7 year itch.  Research shows that the new danger period for couples is the 2 year mark.  In fact, after being together for 2 years one in twelve couples are headed for a break up!   So what is it about the 2 . . . → Read More: Fighting the Two Year Itch]]>

Relationships Require Effort

Speeding Up

We have all heard about the 7 year itch.  Research shows that the new danger period for couples is the 2 year mark.  In fact, after being together for 2 years one in twelve couples are headed for a break up!   So what is it about the 2 year mark that threatens till death do we part?

Dropping Some Notions

Some people enter into a relationship with preconceived notions they are not even aware they have.  Such as this fantasy of a “perfect” relationship.  You know…the kind we all see on television shows and movies.  That does not exist.   There are people who cannot deal with that reality and just bolt.

Others are bored with being settled down and quickly develop a wandering eye. “Hmmm…this guy I live with doesn’t have a washboard stomach.  That guy on Survivor is so cute.  I should be with someone like that. ”   Instead, take a look at the wonderful qualities your partner has.  What was it about them that drew you to them in the first place?  Chances are that those qualities are still there.  You just need to remind yourself of what a special person you chose to be in a relationship with.

Making Work Fun

A relationship requires working at it to keep it healthy and satisfying.  And that includes your sex life.   There are a lot of people who think all you need is love.  No…that is a song title, not reality.    Love is really just the first step.  After that it takes deliberate effort to stay in love.  Getting to a place where you feel secure and comfortable together is great.  But what about when things feel a little TOO comfortable?  When you find yourself longing for more excitement, for the thrills you had in the beginning?

One choice is to make a commitment to put the sizzle back into your sexual relationship.  That happens by trying new things, taking a little risk, feeling daring and a little naughty!  Just like you had to learn each others quirks and preferences when you got together, you need to get to know each others erotic tastes.  Start by having a playful, non-threatening discussion in bed. Answer these questions for each other:

1.  What is your number one turn on?

2.  Do you have a fetish for any part of the body?  If so…what is it? (body worship)

3.  If you could live out one fantasy, what would it be?

4.  What kinky sexual act would you like me to do with you?

5.  What do you consider taboo?

6.  Are there dirty words or names that turn you on?  What are they?

This is a great way to start the process of reviving your sex life.  This is the process that will make it easier for you to call me as a couple.  Open and ready for your first couples experience.  Because once you have answered these questions for each other, you are ready to pick up the phone and call me for sexy couples fun!

Guiding You to Nirvana

The best thing about having a professional on the line to guide you along is that you are both much more likely to keep things light.  Nobody wants to get judgmental or criticize their partner with me on the line.  Consider me your erotic assistant, sexy tour guide, mediator and referee…all in one!

So what is keeping you from making that first call right now?  Tell me…I truly want to know.

For an erotic couples phone sex session with Empress Violet, call 877-490-8948
Must be 18+
Calls are $2.50 per minute, with a 10 minute minimum
Discreetly billed to your credit card
http://ratemycall.com

After reading Ms Ally’s post “Female Superiority: Are Women “Better” than Men?” and viewing the comments on the subject of Female Supremacy I starting thinking about relationships in general. It wasn’t until the “second wave” of feminism (1960’s through the 90’s) that women also became head of household. It didn’t matter how . . . → Read More: Dominance and Submission – Is There Really Such thing as Relationship Equality?]]>

After reading Ms Ally’s post “Female Superiority: Are Women “Better” than Men?” and viewing the comments on the subject of Female Supremacy I starting thinking about relationships in general. It wasn’t until the “second wave” of feminism (1960’s through the 90’s) that women also became head of household. It didn’t matter how much money they made or how much smarter they were, the men wore the pants and made the final decision for the relationship or family.  Men were dominant and a good wife is submissive to her husband. The woman’s movement clearly heralds the idea that women should have the same rights and be equal to men.

But is gender equality really possible and is it the best solution?

Men have sexual fantasies of being controlled by a strong woman but it seems that it only last until he has an orgasm. The idea of her using him sexually seems more like HIS idea then hers. In my own world of being an independent and self sufficient woman I too can fantasize about “wearing the pants” but does the world really see me this way? And if they do is it accepted as a normal relationship or looked at as an oddity or modern novelty?

Let’s face it; someone is always going to be more dominant in any relationship.

It seems to me that any time there is an attempt at equality that it ultimately turns out to be confusion and someone feeling resentment for settling. Perhaps it’s possible but I have never seen two alpha personalities coexist without great challenge.

When I was in college I was often teased for my controlling nature. In fact many of the men I dated seemed threatened by it and often challenged me. I resented this constant test of wills. I felt very much like a fish out of water and often depressed wondering if maybe I was. It was ok for them in the bedroom but once our clothes went back on the male machismo swung into action. It wasn’t until I learned about BDSM and dominance and submission as a lifestyle that I began to feel like the woman I really was. It allowed me to focus my affection on men that appreciated me being a woman in control. But it still wasn’t a walk in the park. I had to fully accept this part of me, the dominant partner and learn how to nurture the submission I craved from others.

In life there is always a leader to set the agenda and pace of any dynamic.

Only then can there be true harmony without struggle. Otherwise you have too many chiefs and too many Indians wondering what to do. When roles are clearly defined there isn’t any confusion. The key is that both parties ENJOY the position they elect. This doesn’t mean that the submissive is less than the dominant but that someone needs to relinquish control. It’s not really about female supremacy, although in MY perfect world this would be ideal, but a relationship dynamic that follows a ying-yang concept to achieve balance.

I’d really like to know your thoughts on this subject and how you feel about gender equality. I’ve created a poll to get a general idea but would also appreciate your comments.Thanks!

For an erotic phone sex session with Empress Josephine, call 877-490-8948
Must be 18+
Calls are $2.50 per minute, with a 10 minute minimum
Discreetly billed to your credit card
http://ratemycall.com