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Helping the Ladies

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Pointer for the Ladies

It is important that you do not dismiss your man’s primal urges and that you occasionally give into them.  Try surprising him by offering a quickie at an unexpected time.  Or be the aggressor, so he doesn’t feel like he is always the one initiating sex.

Fantasies Are Fun

You can also try tapping into some of his cock teasing fantasies. Men are pretty easy to please.  A simple thing like a cheerleader outfit or a naughty nurse uniform can really spice things up.  And that goes for the gentlemen too.   The ladies may not have the same fantasies that you do, but they do have them and they can be pretty damn hot.   Again, you just to have to open yourself up to something new.  That also goes for including kink or fetish in your sex life.  Expanding boundaries is always a healthy thing in a relationship.

No Labels Needed

Ultimately, it all comes down to that different wiring that men  and women have.  A good relationship requires compromise.   As a rule, women are better in that department. When guys come to me for sex advice, I tell them to keep it simple.  Women aren’t nearly as complicated as some men think.  Often there is just a duality at play.

They want to be romanced, to feel special and appreciated, in addition to unleashing their inner whore.  Men have to avoid getting caught up in the Madonna/Whore or Mother/Lover trap.   Let them be both.  That is not only good for your sex life, but it is good for your relationship.

Take it All

Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for who he or she really is.  That is part of the challenge of building an enduring relationship.  In those early, magical days, we tend to focus only on what we like about our partners.  As time goes on, though, we become acutely aware of what we don’t like.  At that point we stop seeing those foibles as merely cute or endearing.   But those faults are part of what makes them who they are.  So try to embrace the fullness of your partner, with all of their complications and contradictions.

Accepting the whole of the person is helpful in the bedroom in that it allows us to get past the compartmentalization that can lead to that Madonna/Whore trap.  Or, in the case of women, seeing their men as either as a he-man/protector/provider or some weak good-for-nothing.  There is a lot in between those extremes, usually a human being who’s much more interesting than the fantasy you may have created.  It comes back to my earlier statement about the importance of being yourself and being accepted.  Yes, we are who we are, but there should be room for growth and compromise within that construct.  It’s a cop out to say “Hey, that’s just the way I am.”  That may be valid in some instances, but as a consistent default position, it’s going to make you a very lonely person.

Pause for the Cause

So, the next time you are frustrated by the lack of sex or romance in your relationship, just take a moment to think.  Try to understand your partner’s perspective and needs.  For the ladies, accept your man for who he is.  Sometimes your expectations are impossibly high.

For guys, stop being so selfish.  A little romance goes a long way, as does a thoughtful gesture.  Take out the trash or empty the dishwasher, and you’ll be amazed at what comes your way.

About You

If you’d like to discuss your own situation, I am here to help.  Having been a behavioral health professional, I have counseled many couples through stalemates, mismatched expectations, and bottled up needs.  I am well-acquainted with the types of issues you face and can offer a wide array of services: friend, counselor, sex advisor, or director/participant in your fantasy role play phone sex.  Couples phone sex provides a unique outlet to enliven your sex life.  Whatever the case, be it serious or sexy, I can help. Give me a call for some sensual Mistress phone sex for couples.   I will definitely help bring a new spark of life to your joint love life!

Have questions for me?  Leave them here in a comment.  I answer all comments and will be happy to address your concerns.

 

7 comments to Helping the Ladies

  • slave tom

    My second greatest fantasy would be to have a session led by you with my wife present. I am sure that the two of you would get on like a house on fire. You could explore ways with her that would increase her confidence to control and dominate you. You would ensure that I steve her as I have to serve you. I would be her slave tom too.

  • galaxy

    Hey there Violet, just browsing and saw this post.
    As usual you are spot on. I have found that to be true on our selfish nature. It is amazing what you receive once you learn to give.
    Great advice and thanks for writing about it.

  • Very interesting slave tom. You know that I love to have you bring your wife into your submission as much as possible. So I am TOTALLY willing to talk with both of you about this. We could pretend we have never spoken before, to put her more at ease. You are already serving her, in the ways I have instructed you to. And that makes me very happy too!

  • Thank you galaxy tom! I am delighted that you found this blog and enjoyed this particular posting. My opinion is that when we put our partner’s pleasure and needs above our own, they tend to respond by doing the same. And they are more open to trying new things and being more playful in general. A major win-win!

  • Violet Sweetie,
    Wonderful advice! I love your abundance of knowledge on helping couples go deeper in love & higher in erotic pleasures. You are so right on.
    Kisses, from your Auntie Freda

  • Kevin Morton

    Hi Violet. “Phone Sex for Couples.” Well, unfortunately, I’m in between relationships, but you gave me an assignment and I’m determined to finish. (Unless, of course, a hand or a matress qualifies as one half of the couple . . . any luck there?) Anyway, I’m currently in search of a cuckoldress girlfriend. One of my preferences is that said girlfriend allow me to masturbate at the moment of cuckolding. Would you agree to such a request if you were the girlfriend and I were your hypothetical boyfriend? Also, I would like to observe the act that renders me a cuckold. If you were in such a situation, would you let me watch? I will trust my Mistress completely like a good boy. Sincerely, Kevin.

  • *laughing* This is a good one Kevin. In most cases, I would grant you that a hand or a firm mattress would qualify as half a couple. But on this particular blog, it takes two entire human beings. You are so funny! Glad to hear you are actively seeking a cuckoldress girlfriend. That is exciting news! Yes, I would encourage you to masturbate as you watched me with my Bull. After all, that would be half of your sex life from that point on. When it comes to cuckolded boyfriends, I do eventually invite them in to watch. But if you wish to continue this conversation, I ask that you take it to my main blog. Find a posted topic on cuckolding there. This is so off-topic here on this posting. *wink*

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